Hello friends, sorry was not able to write yesterday, due to my class of Thursday’s which runs from 7 to 10:15 p.m., so here is to catching up.
Some of the words of this poem, really hit home…..
Don’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that I’m afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
On my lunch break i go for a walk to the park, i pass my favourite site the fountain, i see a bright pink paper sticking out of an envelope, i am curious, i pick it up. The words – “i am live in home with 4 other people, but each of us has our own lives, i am so lonely, i wish someone would love me and spend time with me”. Wow! who does this belong to? I look around, but there is no one there. i gaze towards the sky and whisper a prayer…. I send you peace, I send you love, I send you joy, I send you happiness. All is well, all shall be well…..
Today’s Prompt: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more.
Hello friends, I am enjoying this. Welcome to my blog today. When I read the words “Serially Lost” the first thing that jumps to my mind, is all the years gone by. I am 51 years old. 50 years of my life, just gone, almost in a twinkle of an eye.
As I ponder, I do believe I have had a happy life, being the youngest of three children, was always the pampered spoilt child, who got her way. I would not say we came from a wealthy home, but we always had enough, we never wanted for anything, I also was good at academics and singing and hence got my share of being in the spot light. I however grew up with a brother who has cerebral palsy; he was 9 years older than I, then a sister 7 years older and then me. As a result of my brother’s condition my mum was often sad, and us’ if I will admit looking back, disliked the attention / pity it brought our family, whenever my brother would get seizures in a public place. However being able to care for my brother has made me and my sister so much more able to deal with what life throws at us.
Who am I really, I wonder? Am I the little girl who was so carefree, or am I that teenager who had trouble fitting in, a young woman who had trouble finding the right guy? A young mother who did not know if she had enough love to go around, what did I lose? What did I gain over the years? All i was doing all these years was just running around pleasing everybody but myself, putting me on the back burner, but feeling a bit resentful inside, always longing to do things just for me.
When I turned 47, I made a promise to myself, that I would finally be selfish and start working on me. I started doing small things here and there that would make me smile. I joined the gym, I joined the Global Corporate Challenge and made a commitment to walk 10,000 steps for 16 weeks each in the summer, I am proud to say I have accomplished this 75% of the time; my highest being 14,000 steps in one day. I also joined a speakers club and now learning to blog. I still have a long way to go. But as Lao Tzu quotes “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
It’s funny the saying be careful what you wish for -because this saying showed me how true it was in the last couple of days – I have been doing the meditations by Deepak Chopra and Oprah and my intention through these 21 days was – show me where I need to change, I go to work on Thursday and one thing lead to another and in a tense voice I was told, that I micro manage people, that I have a tendency to leave drawers open and I am not a very good communicator. Boom back to back, I got told…. 😦 seriously, universe does it all have to happen on one day? Then I open my email on Friday and there is the message about Writing 101! I am spending time with my daughter and we are chatting, again one thing leads to another and I ask her why she never replies back to my texts but how she keeps answering her friends and she says “because you always send mommy texts” I was puzzled and asked her what she meant and she said, you only send us texts to do something, or go someplace, or pick up something or to tell them I love them or to bless them. She said they knew all of that and appreciate it once in a while, but if I wanted an answer, I had to say something funny, or ask a question….. You get what I mean, so more lesson in less than a week. I am on a roll here, getting pointers from the universe, hope I can cope and make the necessary changes.
So here I am friends, trying to lose my pride, trying not to micro manage and trying to learn to speak more clearly and write on clearly. Thank you for being a part of my journey…….onwards, for some more tomorrow. Good night.
The Three Songs that came to my mind on reading the email were:
Jim Reeves – May The Good Lord Bless And Keep You – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PD9KLA4qz3A
Abba – I Have A Dream Lyrics – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_HupoJ2_oc
Gloria Gaynor – I Will Survive – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNDl41HfvxI
I loved the first song, because as a child, my dad always sang it to me when he put me to sleep and if i remember correctly, it was the first song i learnt to sing. This song brings so many memories, to my mind, it just soothes me as i read the lyrics. At our home we also sang this song on someone’s birthday as a blessing, or if someone was just visiting us from far away, we kids would line up and sing this song.
I love the second song because this song gives me hope, my life has had some rough times and when i think of this song, it lifts me up. the constant reference to knowing that no matter what you are going thru’ in your life, each thing has something good in it for you and when the time is right, good things will happen. So we can keep dreaming of better days, better things to come, but also truly treasure each of the present moments because it is through these moments, that we will arrive at our destination.
I love the third song, because it is a song that gives me strength and courage and reminds me that all i need is me, and when i am hurt and when i am down, i have to take time to look inside and be strong again, i need not let anyone hurt me but have the courage to love myself and be the person i am truly meant to be.
Its really funny how the universe provides insight when you need it and today i got this post on face book. Hope you helps you take the next steps, just as it did for me.
Quit living a boring, predictable life just to keep others happy. You were meant to do great things, not just to sacrifice yourself. Shake off the guilt, trash the self-pity, set your own goals and start chasing them RIGHT NOW!
Ever so often,i need out of my busy world, full of computers and telephones, of people wanting this and that, of numerable deadlines to meet and people to please. Depending on what time of the day it is, my room for sanity has a different view.
For instance, if i have to focus on a hard task of numbers or taxes on hand, my sanity room would just be inspirational songs on the internet, that cuts out all external sounds, soothes me and lets me concentrate harder and get the task on hand done.
In another case if i have just finished on a project that needed lots of focus, my sanity room would be taking a washroom break and just breathing, or doing the stairs at work or enjoying a hot cup of tea.
However, when i have an hour or two to bask in the luxury of nature, a room with a view is a walk by the river with the sun glistening, the ducks swimming, the grass as green as can be in the summer, the warm sun on my skin. A walk by the ocean, watching the waves touch the shore, the cool water on your feet, the feel of warm sand, the warm sea breeze, being able to simple lie down and watch the clouds, from behind your sunglasses.
Nature is the canvas on which God paints, all we have to do is just take in its beauty, connect with the universe, just let go. Each day promising the universe and our selves that we will be ambassadors of love and kindness to whoever we meet, where ever we go, whatever we do.
Happy Easter one and all – Easter is truly one of the most important festivals in the catholic church. It is when Christ rose from the dead. It is the celebration of the paschal mystries that kind of defines our lives. When we are having a good time with family and friends, spending time together, we are in the Maundy Thursday of our lives. When we are sad and pensive and upset about something we are in the good Friday of our lives, When we are anxious and waiting on news, on something, we are in holy Saturday of our lives and when we are happy and rejoicing, we are in the Easter of our lives.
Easter like any other festival is a time for good food, family and friends to get together, to do activities together and have fun. Food always brings people together and add to it wine and tea and you get everyone talking and laughing. Today I tried my hand at some new recipes – Green pea pulao, butter chicken, cabbage and carrot sambol and channa masala. Boy did they ever come out good. We topped it up with apple pie and pecan icecream. Yummy.
Wish the weather was warmer today, but all in all it was a good day.
Do write in and let me know how your day was with your family. Do you have any special traditions?