Day Four: Serially Lost
by Live Better, Be Better.......my journey to happiness
Today’s Prompt: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more.
Hello friends, I am enjoying this. Welcome to my blog today. When I read the words “Serially Lost” the first thing that jumps to my mind, is all the years gone by. I am 51 years old. 50 years of my life, just gone, almost in a twinkle of an eye.
As I ponder, I do believe I have had a happy life, being the youngest of three children, was always the pampered spoilt child, who got her way. I would not say we came from a wealthy home, but we always had enough, we never wanted for anything, I also was good at academics and singing and hence got my share of being in the spot light. I however grew up with a brother who has cerebral palsy; he was 9 years older than I, then a sister 7 years older and then me. As a result of my brother’s condition my mum was often sad, and us’ if I will admit looking back, disliked the attention / pity it brought our family, whenever my brother would get seizures in a public place. However being able to care for my brother has made me and my sister so much more able to deal with what life throws at us.
Who am I really, I wonder? Am I the little girl who was so carefree, or am I that teenager who had trouble fitting in, a young woman who had trouble finding the right guy? A young mother who did not know if she had enough love to go around, what did I lose? What did I gain over the years? All i was doing all these years was just running around pleasing everybody but myself, putting me on the back burner, but feeling a bit resentful inside, always longing to do things just for me.
When I turned 47, I made a promise to myself, that I would finally be selfish and start working on me. I started doing small things here and there that would make me smile. I joined the gym, I joined the Global Corporate Challenge and made a commitment to walk 10,000 steps for 16 weeks each in the summer, I am proud to say I have accomplished this 75% of the time; my highest being 14,000 steps in one day. I also joined a speakers club and now learning to blog. I still have a long way to go. But as Lao Tzu quotes “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
It’s funny the saying be careful what you wish for -because this saying showed me how true it was in the last couple of days – I have been doing the meditations by Deepak Chopra and Oprah and my intention through these 21 days was – show me where I need to change, I go to work on Thursday and one thing lead to another and in a tense voice I was told, that I micro manage people, that I have a tendency to leave drawers open and I am not a very good communicator. Boom back to back, I got told…. 😦 seriously, universe does it all have to happen on one day? Then I open my email on Friday and there is the message about Writing 101! I am spending time with my daughter and we are chatting, again one thing leads to another and I ask her why she never replies back to my texts but how she keeps answering her friends and she says “because you always send mommy texts” I was puzzled and asked her what she meant and she said, you only send us texts to do something, or go someplace, or pick up something or to tell them I love them or to bless them. She said they knew all of that and appreciate it once in a while, but if I wanted an answer, I had to say something funny, or ask a question….. You get what I mean, so more lesson in less than a week. I am on a roll here, getting pointers from the universe, hope I can cope and make the necessary changes.
So here I am friends, trying to lose my pride, trying not to micro manage and trying to learn to speak more clearly and write on clearly. Thank you for being a part of my journey…….onwards, for some more tomorrow. Good night.